CHRISTMAS CRACKERS

One of our annual family highlights at Christmas is to tell a topical joke around the table. Well, it stops us arguing and they’re generally better than the ones you get in those Xmas crackers, however much you spend on them.

A couple of days ago I was watching the news. MPs were screaming at each other across the floor of the Commons. And it reminded me. I had to start coming up with some ideas for my ‘joke.’

Then as I saw the on-screen promotion for the film ‘It’s a Wonderful Life,’ I reminded myself for the umpteenth time that whenever a bell rings an angel gets its wings. Suddenly a bell rang in my head.

Now I’m no angel. This bell was different. More like a bong for the news headlines. And a line appeared in my mind as it did during the wait at the vet when the cat fell ill. That was when I imagined the nurse coming out and saying: “It’s bad news I’m afraid. It’s curiosity.”

But will the family find my latest ‘gag’ amusing? Probably not. The children will just blow raspberries and knock over another glass or two. Buffett the dog will sniff around the plates hoping to pick up – well anything really. And the pause as I reveal all will be as long and as sobering as any other alleged ‘funny’ I’ve come up with over the years.

Well, here it is.

How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit I’ll ask?

The answer - no Brussels.